I Want You to Want Me

The song titles are getting away from me; however, to my credit, “My Bloody Valentine” was the first thing that came to mind, and I skipped that.  Last year’s Valentine’s post was a cards compendium.  This year, it’s shorter:  I’m ditching the efforts of every dating site and app in favor of the Prost Questionnaire.

I normally resist linking to Wikipedia, but here’s a brief history.  Here’s a more interesting link with David Bowie’s answers (given to Vanity Fair); from there, you can also view the answers of a number of other people that might pique your interest.

But you also get me.  Sorry.  My version of the questions is from here.


 

  1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?  If there is such a thing as perfect happiness, it exists only in moments, as a transient state.  Happiness, perfect or otherwise, is mutable and must be achieved over and over again.  It is a series of moments, not a resting place.
  2. What is your greatest fear?  I can think of a lot of abstract fears of things that have never happened to me:  terrible things.  The most concrete answer I can give is when I think back to my lowest moment and imagine being there again, replaying the emotions and physical sensations I felt then.  Realistically, that is the greatest fear I have.
  3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?  I have difficulty knowing how to respond to things other people say in any appropriate manner.  I can attempt to filter a response and then agonize over it for days/hours afterward, but I can’t say something and then be comfortable with it.  I think it’s a fear of presenting an authentic self and feeling comfortable with that.  That sounds very egotistical.  I’m just typing this on the fly.  
  4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?  Lack of self-awareness, unquestionably.
  5. Which living person do you most admire?  I hope that I can look for something to admire in everyone, but I’m getting a bit cynical on that front lately.  I have not thought of a specific #1 person and suspect this position would be a rotating one.  Actually, I think I’d like to debate this one over coffee.
  6. What is your greatest extravagance?  Have you SEEN my book collection?  Though I question whether those are an extravagance or a necessity.  The qualifier might be that I own physical copies of many things that I could borrow or own in electronic format, but I am extremely partial to having my own marked-up hard copies.
  7. What is your current state of mind?  Picture an old-school card catalog; that’s where I have all the books, music, etc. I’ve read or am interested in filed away.  Next to that is a filing cabinet, where I have all the relevant/interesting information I’ve gleaned from the former.  Throw a tornado in there.  Now you’ve got it.
  8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?  Anything that the current moment declares a virtue.
  9. On what occasion do you lie?  Lately, about what I’m doing with my life.  I’m ashamed that I do it, but I’m ashamed to be in such a suspended state.  I do this to people I won’t see again.
  10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?  NOT the right person for this question.  Pass.  There are only 24 hours in a day.
  11. Which living person do you most despise?  Oh, my.  There was a debate last night featuring America’s Most Wanted Sociopaths.  
  12. What is the quality you most like in a man?  How about one I don’t like but have had occasion to observe a lot lately?  Colonizing public spaces, physically and vocally.  So I like it when people don’t do that.
  13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?  Don’t put yourself down, jokingly or otherwise; it’s a protective mechanism against letting someone else do it first.
  14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?  actually, probably, apparently, possibly
  15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?  [this space reserved] 
  16. When and where were you happiest?  I hope I haven’t hit this yet.
  17. Which talent would you most like to have?  The ability to pre-plan without anxiety.
  18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  I would turn down the volume on the anxiety that bleeds into so many other things:  how I react, how I speak/respond, things I do.
  19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?  Currently, maintaining the health I’ve worked for.
  20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?  One of Bob Ross’s happy clouds.
  21. Where would you most like to live?  The British Library.
  22. What is your most treasured possession?  My books, because my cat is not a possession.  You do not possess cats.
  23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?  See #2.  I can speak most concretely to misery as I’ve experienced it.  In short, though, when my world has been most reduced, I’ve been most miserable.  When it opens up, I’m happier.
  24. What is your favorite occupation?  Reading, but I’m prone to doing multiple things at once.
  25. What is your most marked characteristic?  I think that’s best observed by other people; I doubt I’d catch it.
  26. What do you most value in your friends?  I hope they know.  If they don’t, I need to tell them personally.  
  27. Who are your favorite writers?  There are only 24 hours . . . I already said that.  Currently, Sarah Waters, Jeannette Winterson, Ali Smith, Thomas Pynchon, David Foster Wallace, Wallace Stevens, Carson McCullers, William Faulkner, I can keep going.
  28. Who is your hero of fiction?  Dr. DeSoto
  29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?  Someone in the background of a crowd scene of a painting, on the edges.
  30. Who are your heroes in real life?  Numerous.
  31. What are your favorite names?  You know a name I really like that I could name neither child nor pet?  Tess.  Thomas Hardy ruined that one for everyone.
  32. What is it that you most dislike?  Coconut.  As well as mistaking opinion for fact, which tends to be joined with the lack of self-awareness previously referenced.
  33. What is your greatest regret?  Nope.
  34. How would you like to die?  There’s a great Reno 911 bit about this.  How about defenestration?  Can you imagine the newspaper having to print that in your obituary?  “in local news, . . . .”
  35. What is your motto? See God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater– ever since I first read that as a teenager.


 

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A Tale Told by An Idiot (The Usual)

I’m terribly addicted to the quizzes that pop up all over Facebook; we once had the temple at Delphi telling us to “Know Thyself,” and now we have Buzzfeed.

[moment of silence for approaching end of civilization]

Anyway.  The one that’s making the rounds right now is “My Most Used Words on FB.”  If the OED has deemed an emoji the word of the year, I’m thinking that a post about my most-used words on a social media site is practically dissertation-quality material.


 

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It took a lot of censoring to get my name and location off that screenshot.


 

One at the center is puzzling; I can’t figure out what context made that the #1 word.

My mother (cough Avril Incandenza cough) had trained me to use “one” when speaking:  “One would think . . . .”  That could have been the origin of this #1 (heh) word, but my college roommate immediately set out to rectify this grammatical situation.  She either repeated whatever I’d just said, substituting a militant “you” or just outright threatened me.  It worked.


I do like the reading of “I’m also one.”  It sounds like some sort of riff on “Imagine.”

If you don’t know this version, listen.  Also Google her.  She managed to disappear.


I also like that my manifesto (well, it’s my manifesto as of this afternoon, when this quiz gave it to me) appears in there (reading down, on the left):

books thats right book read

That’s pretty much all I know on earth and all I need to know.


However, there’s also some life advice that I ought to listen to more often:

take happy around always

I’m betting most people reading this never leave home without their phones.  Do you leave home without your happy?

Instagram your happy.  Tweet it.  Hashtag it.  The world will be okay without another picture of coffee.


I feel like morning favorite coffee please is completely self-explanatory to anyone who knows me.  Particularly to anyone who’s been around me in the morning.  Morning and I swipe left on Tinder (did I get that right?).

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many trying tried bad represents a lot of what went south over the past year.  But that’s two forms of the word “try” versus one “bad,” so trying wins 2:1 over bad.  I hope.  And good is many, many times bigger than “bad.”

gnomes is also much bigger than “bad.”  So that’s what life needs:  more good, more gnomes.  There is more goodness and more gnomes in the world than bad– if you’re looking and willing to believe in things that others say don’t exist.

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I don’t know what the next current anything is, for tomorrow, let alone next year.  That does indeed drive me crazy.  Hopefully change.  

All I’ve got at the moment is a great big now.  And now I’m writing a post because this is therapy.  I’m reading a book because there was a while there when I couldn’t, so I’m making up for lost time.  It feels good.  I cooked dinner, because wonderful people (on Facebook!) helped me find cooking resources.  And that feels like an accomplishment.  I crashed the coffee place again, because it was a beautiful day, and I got to wander around downtown at some length.  I sat outside and read.  Fussed with my plants.

And that now is important because today started off really, really horribly. If I have to string a bunch of nows together like beads on a chain to pull through, then that’s what I have to do.

This was a pleasant now.  Thanks for joining me.

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Vinyl Is Out; Let’s Bring Back the Cassingle! (And Other Brilliant Observations)

Image:  The following post is tangentially/nominally/supposedly music-related.  Name that screenshot!

Title:  Latest brainstorm, brought to you by caffeine:  let’s revive the cassingle!  Can I afford a record player?  No way.  LPs?  Nope.  Do I still have a functional Walkman?  Indeed!  Am I somewhat to relatively sure that there are cassingles stashed at my parents’ house?  Sort of, maybe!  I could be on the cutting edge here!

Though personally vinyl-less, I can still be obsessive.  Shown below is the back of Dwight Yoakam‘s Gone (1995), my original and only copy of the CD.  I listened to it 157 times in the first five days I had it (incidentally, I was at church camp) and still play it.  Please view the condition:

This heart of stone / Sure is missing you . . .

This heart of stone / Sure is missing you . . .

We won’t go into things like my still-functional early-2000s-cost-way-less, far-surperior-to, put-out-of-omission-by-Apple Nomad, mp3s, still-extant mixtapes, homemade CDs, etc.  In short:  I like music.

DDR

DDR


First, Some Quizzes!

How did “know thyself” apply before online quizzes?  This time, I’m switching from Buzzfeed to Playbuzz.  I’m pretty sure that constitutes variety.

(overture)

Which Member of the 27 Club Are You?

You are a free spirit. You believe in telling the truth. You live deep in your emotions and always on the search for love. You're not concerned about tomorrow, you are only thinking about the moment. You get it while you can. Rock on! You are Janis Joplin!

You are a free spirit. You believe in telling the truth. You live deep in your emotions and always on the search for love. You’re not concerned about tomorrow, you are only thinking about the moment. You get it while you can. Rock on! You are Janis Joplin!

Pretty sure it was my actual taste in music rather than my personality that produced this answer.  I’m fine with it, though.  My copy of Pearl has been with me a long, long time.

What is your 70’s Anthem?

Many words have been used to describe Freddie Mercury and Queen’s timeless classic BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY: Strange, quirky, blasphemous, invigorating, and of course – epic – All of which are words that could be used to describe the innards of both your mind and soul. A poppy and energetic individual whose imagination knows no bounds, this song’s winding thematics and brazenly over-the-top elements were made to accompany you! This is the song you need to be blaring in the car whenever you need a piece of music to make your soul soar.

::wipes tears::  Thank . . . just . . . thank you.  You really have no idea how much this means to me.  Or how often Queen probably really is what is making my car swerve down the road (if not Queen, Springsteen– Queen, The Boss:  I guess I like titles?).

Okay, but seriously:  invigorating, epic, poppy, energetic, etc.?  Maybe I’m living a Fight Club scenario where I have a double I don’t know about?  You know, I really don’t sleep that much . . .

Speaking of:

(. . . “and dying” . . .)

We interrupt this profound message with an equally profound question:  how many Taylor Swift quizzes does this world need?

Which Southern Woman Are You?

Well, maybe the title didn’t scream music, but I took it anyway– and I got a musical result.  Therefore:

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Country music singer from Butcher Holler, Kentucky. She is well -known for singing about her home and her distinct perspective as a woman in country music. Some of her most popular songs are “Coal Miner’s Daughter,” “The Pill,” “One’s on the Way,” and “Louisiana Woman, Mississippi Man,” a duet with Conway Twitty.

There was something (still on Playbuzz) about ranking songs from movies.  I didn’t look at it, because I’m just going to insert my own pick:

I took a musician lookalike quiz based solely on appearance questions (hair, eye color– very basic):  Beyoncé?

This, in case you live under a rock, is Beyoncé.

This, in case you live under a rock, is Beyoncé.

This is me. I DO live under a rock.

This is me. I DO live under a rock.

Which 80s Alt. Band Wrote the Soundtrack of Your Life?

I think we ALL already know the answer to this one, pre-quiz .  . . 

The soundtrack of your life was written by The Smiths! Half funny and half morose, you're a bit of an oddball and proud of it! You are extremely emotional and intense, always juggling between your idealism and cynicism. You enjoy a more classic look, and will always think outside the box when given an opportunity. You have to do what feels right, even if it means facing social scorn; whether that means being outwardly celibate or calling your album Meat is Murder. The Smith's passionate vocals, witty lyrics, and jangley guitars are what sing you to sleep.

The soundtrack of your life was written by The Smiths! Half funny and half morose, you’re a bit of an oddball and proud of it! You are extremely emotional and intense, always juggling between your idealism and cynicism. You enjoy a more classic look, and will always think outside the box when given an opportunity. You have to do what feels right, even if it means facing social scorn; whether that means being outwardly celibate or calling your album Meat is Murder. The Smith’s passionate vocals, witty lyrics, and jangley guitars are what sing you to sleep.

No quiz needed:  self-evident.

True story:  I was watching the video for “There Is a Light that Never Goes Out” (late) one night, and YouTube froze.  Completely.  The universe, over and out!


99 out of 100 Scientists Endorse This Section

I have absolutely no idea who most of the people in the quizzes are.  Who’s this person, Taylor Swift?  98% of the quizzes are about her.  Oh, and I took an 80s hair band one, but I’m not going to post the result.  It was shameful.  Is there a good answer for an 80s hair band?

*But I am not a snob! [cough]

Except maybe I’m really not.  This study started making the rounds recently; roughly, what it says is that you stop listening to new music around age 33.  More specifically, it’s when people stop listening to mainstream/popular music and return to old favorites or start heading into the non-mainstream.

Apparently, I was 33 by the time I was in high school.  If this were a Faulkner novel, that would be symbolic, but it’s late, and I’m tired.  Talk amongst yourselves.

Eh?

For instance:  WHAT?

It also says that having children ages you about four music-years.  I knew I was staying young . . . somehow.  These children’s albums seem like a pretty good compromise, though.

Or:  here’s a quick sampling I worked up:

Available to babysit!

Though it seems only fair to mention the song that I listened to repeatedly when I was very small (I don’t really remember, but my parents claim I said it made my pigs dance).  And I just realized that yes, I do still have a copy of this album– not the original LP that was at home, because it’s probably long-since destroyed:


So my taste in music stopped at . . . about age two?  Always have to be the one to skew the statistics.  That’s not really true, anyway; it just got odder (=less popular).

I’m thinking about it now, and I can’t figure out how it landed on the obscure.  This was pre-Internet, and I didn’t have access to a music store (or music magazines); if you got music, it came from (the) Wal-Mart, a sometimes trip out of town, or the very rare trip to see family in New York, where there was . . . Tower Records (RIP).


“Politics, Religion, and Her” (does anyone else remember that?)

The #1 getting-to-know-you question that I hate (often involved in awkward introductions) is “what kind of music do you listen to”?  Whether or not it starts out as an innocent ice-breaker, it turns into the ultimate do-or-die personality test/character evaluation/judgment test.  Are you disagreeing with me right now?  Nope.  This one’s universal; everyone does it, to some extent.

Let’s try this out with a quiz.  Mostly because I want to play with a poll.

In all seriousness (well, not really; serious doesn’t really happen here):  how do you answer that?  You run the risk of showing your age, having to add “before they were cool,” expressing borderline stalker-level devotion, appearing to acknowledge the existence of only Top 40 radio (or to disdain it completely on High Moral Principle), etc.  And if you just say “a little of everything,” it’s a cop-out.

My advice to you, son, is if someone asks you this question, jump out the nearest window.


“. . . And to You It’s Just Words”

The only alternative approach:  I’ve done a post before about words invented by families (etc.).  Another one from mine is “Top Ten All-Time Favorite,” defined thus:

Top-Ten All-Time Favorite (n.):  A song that is definitely, absolutely one of your favorites.  Several rules apply to its use.  If a song that this applies to is playing, you must A) announce that it is a top ten all-time favorite and B) increase the volume (no matter how many people are violently objecting).  Crucially, the number of favorites you have must be nowhere near ten; the closer you can get to triple digits, the better.  Don’t even pretend that it’s just ten; call out favorites as often as you wish.  Once you turn pro, you earn the privilege of designating top ten favorites by X artist, top ten favorites in X genre (in X decade, with X type of harmony, etc.).  Again, don’t bother keeping it anywhere near 10.  

  • Sample uses:
    •  “Born to Run!”  Top Ten All-Time Favorite!
    • “Out in the Street!”  Top Ten All-Time Springsteen favorite!
    • “Girls in Their Summer Clothes!”  Top Ten All-Time Springsteen summer song favorite!
    • “Jungleland!”  Top Ten All-Time Big Man solo favorite!

All the above was purely, um, hypothetical, of course.  Nothing I personally have ever said.  Yep.


The Conclusion You’ve All Been Waiting for:  I Shut Up

To wind this sucker down, I will now show you what’s behind door #3 (and yes, I’m aware you can’t actually see anything):  my still-extant CD collection, or at least the part of it that’s made it to my 1,000 year old CD rack (the rest awaits sorting and copying).  I was planning to offload a substantial portion of it, until someone mentioned the possibility of losing all my digital media:  hello, paranoia, my old friend.  You’ll see that the CDs are still here.  Those are empty LP sleeves on the wall, all scavenged (and belonging, I assume, to defunct LPs); the Real Deal is an investment I can’t afford.  Behold:  symbolism!

CDs: mid-90s to present. Taste: mid-questionable to very much so. Cropping to try to hide scarves on bedroom door: screwed up the picture.

CDs: mid-90s to present. Taste: mid-questionable to very much so. Cropping to try to hide scarves on bedroom door: screwed up the picture.


Okay, NOW I Shut Up

That’s all, folks.  Feel free to comment about music.  Like.  Hate.  Links to McSweeney’s articles about music.  Pictures of your pets.  No, really.  Your pets, please.

I'll show you mine . . .

I’ll show you mine . . . why, yes, I am (ostensibly) an adult, thank you for asking!

Sweet Thames, run softly, till I end my song

Title:  from T.S. Eliot’s “The Waste Land” (Part III, The Fire Sermon).  Image:  a bit (a lot) how I feel at the moment– and if you don’t recognize it, go watch classic SNL, for I pity you.


Updated:  A few things have been added, changed, and shuffled.  Also, thanks to everyone who’s contacted me in various ways so far.  I haven’t responded to everyone yet, not because I’m ignoring you but because I spent a large part of the morning flatlined.


It is officially April 1st, and I have been waiting all year to say that “April is the cruellest month.”  Were Madame Sosostris present to read my cards, I suspect she’d agree this is an accurate prediction.

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A most excellent Magic card. I want this one.

Speaking of which, I’m studying tarot at the moment (want to?).

t-riderorigin

When I start holing up and not leaving the house, while surrounded by piles of junk, Homer & Langely style, it should make for a passable career.  I’m hoping for one of those flashing neon palm signs.

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Something like this in the front window of my falling-down hovel (where, needless to say, I will be hoarding cats) should raise the land value.

I have nothing super-chipper to say (clearly).  I’ve already been characterized this week by the statement “you read a lot,” which is possibly the thing I hate to hear most of all.  Casting me as a person with her nose in a book has been a favorite and recurring insult for a very, very long time.  I could go into all the further implications of this (most of which have been spelled out for me at one time or another), but, suffice to say, I’m that guy in that Twilight Zone episode.

Starts out well . . .

Starts out well . . .

beemis

Again: if you haven’t seen this, now’s the time to question your upbringing. What did you watch, Saved by the Bell or something?

(Incidentally, I was once asked if I wore glasses to “look smart.”  If the reading versus the glasses don’t seem similar, they actually are:  they’re both judgments about a person based on what is seen/observed.)

images

Kind of like this. “How do you known she is a witch?” “She looks like one!”

I wouldn’t ever give up reading, of course.  But it’s not the essence of my existence.

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So:  resist a single, essential definition (self-defined or assigned from without).  Read a good poem on April 1st, or play a practical joke that doesn’t hurt anybody.  Resist psychic death.

I could kind of also use your good vibes right now.

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100% Internet-generated awesomeness. LOOK WHAT TECHNOLOGY CAN DO!!!

Something’s misfiring or short-circuiting.  I don’t understand what’s up, and I can’t give any explanation because of that, because it doesn’t make any sense to me.  I’m sure it looks like stubbornness when there’s actually some sort of roadblock that literally (I do mean literally) paralyzes me.

I’ll try to think Alice thoughts, which seem to mainly involve sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, and everything that’s wonderful (and, at the moment, Girl Scout cookies, which she loves.  I would reiterate that she is not spoiled).

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Alice thought example 1: “Chin scratching blisses me out. Life is good.”

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Alice thought example 2: “I am warm and safe and comfortable and snuggly. Why worry?”


So that’s all, folks.  Here are some other things you can read:

22 Amazon reviews of The L Word that qualify for WTF? status

Which Orphan Black clone are you?  (note:  I do not have cable.  Season 3 spoilers will get you cut.)

Ab Fab quotes, suitable for pitying fools and destroying your enemies.  Please join me in petitioning Netflix to make the series available, stat.

–Sir Pterry will live on in the clacks.  We salute you.

–McSweeney’s (where I spend a good portion of my time) presents “RECENT HIT POP SONGS CO-WRITTEN BY INFLUENTIAL FEMINIST PHILOSOPHERS.”  Oddly, I’m not finding these in the iTunes store . . .


One last thing:  the Blue Velvet cake (via @undeadmolly):

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Baby wants to . . . eat cake? That’s a cake, all right.

All with April birthdays who are avid David Lynch fans should take note.

All who know someone with an April birthday who is an avid David Lynch fan who has a really pathetic bootleg copy of Eraserhead (featuring subtitles in an unknown language) that they bought on eBay in the early 2000s should take note that there is now a Criterion collection edition available.

eraserhead5


And, in a further update today (the post was pre-scheduled), I’m alarmed to see that Chaucer and #WhatThatAprilleDay are trending tremendously– whereas Eliot is not.  Where are my modernists?!?  The entire English language is dead, anyway, as recent OED additions confirm.

The Many Uses of a Philosophy Degree: Socrates and Buzzfeed

Get to Know You:  Part II

I first typed “buzzed,” not “Buzzfeed.”  Make of that what you will.  Or consider yourself warned.

I often ask myself, as faux-pretentious people with bad insomnia do, how we knew anything about ourselves before Internet quizzes.  Many of the pop-culture, entertainment, historical, etc. aspects of my personality had yet to be unearthed pre-Facebook.  Who needs an analyst when you can just click on the color that’s most immediately appealing?  (and my insurance won’t pay for existential analysis; I asked)

This would make an excellent paper of pure, 100% B.S. that I would absolutely write.  “The Socratic Imperative in the Media Age:  Self-(Re)Discovery in Your Facebook Time/Line.” [1]  That really needs the word “liminal” in there somewhere, but let me follow my usual writing routine:  make coffee and stay up all night.  I’ll get back to you.

Which Character From “The L Word” Are You?

You got: Dana Fairbanks

You are exceptionally talented at sports and enjoy working out and pushing yourself.  [2]  But in relationships, you tend to shy away from the people you’re attracted to. You sometimes don’t notice if someone is gay or straight. You’re sweet, a good friend, and you broke our hearts when you left the show.

I couldn’t capture “Dana” in just one quote.  Pick one yourself.  And if you let Alice/Mr. Piddles die after I’m gone, I’m coming back for you.  [3]  Aside from the sporty stuff and sweetness, this is probably the most accurate quiz result in this post (watch seasons 1-3 on Netflix for further clarification).
Quiz here

Let Us Predict Your Romantic Future

  1. You got: You will fall in love with yourself [4]

    You will overcome a hardship in the near future that will make you realize, no matter what else happens, you cannot move on until you care for yourself first. And you will.

Well, I’m not going to disagree with RuPaul.  That way lies disgrace and defeat.

Quiz here

(next quiz I chose skipped; first question asked me to identify which Friends character I am.  I a) don’t know who any of them are and b) doubt any apply)

Which ’90s Toy Are You?

  1. You got: Furby

    Though you’re clever and kind, you’re misunderstood. For some reason, people are creeped out by you, despite your adorable big eyes and your genius ability to learn languages. Just keep repeating “Me love you!” and they’ll come around.

I had a Furby, but my cat hated its guts.  She hated most things’ guts, actually (which she demonstrated by leaving them- the guts- on the doormat).  Do they still make Furbies?  I need a pet . . .

Quiz here

Who Should You Do Tonight?

  1. You got: The Delivery Guy

    Beef — it’s what’s for dinner. Tonight you’ll be eating out from home.

There was a lost delivery person here last week.  I’ve got a menu.  Booty call?  Foodie call?

Quiz here

What City Do You Actually Belong In?

  1. You got: New York

    Let’s be honest: This is the best result on this quiz. Who wouldn’t want to move to New York? Chumps, that’s who. A buncha chumps. You can act a bit crazy at times but, then again, who isn’t a little crazy from time to time? You’re spontaneous, candid, and the most exciting person in any room. I want to hang out with you. Can we hang? No? OK. Keep it up.

Look for the Kickstarter link tomorrow to make this happen.  Um, as soon as I check the terms of service.  If not, I’ll just mail everybody deposit slips.

Link here

We Know When You’re Going To Get Married

  1. You got: Next Year

    You’re just about to put a ring on it! You’ve found the love of your life, or romance is just around the corner for you. You’re well-suited for married life — now get back to planning your big day!

The move from the RuPaul answer to this one indicates that I’m doing some warp-speed self-examination.  Or am going to be involved in a green card marriage.  Or am going to do something on a bet (involving money).

Clearly, we cannot speculate that these quizzes are unreliable.

Quiz here

Can We Guess What You Wanted To Be When You Grew Up?

  1. You got: Harry Potter

    You wanted to be a Harry Potter when you grew up, because wizards get stuff done. If they don’t like something, they will just cast a spell and get rid of that ish. Wizards don’t take crap from anybody, plus they get to fight bad guys and stuff. Plus all your favorite imaginary friends were wizards, and they seemed to be having a good time.

Okay, maybe they CAN be wrong.  There was no Harry Potter in the 80s.  And this is nowhere remotely close to what I wanted to be when I grew up (if you do know that, you know me well– or remember my library borrowing record).  [5] [6]

Quiz here

Disillusionment.  Le sigh.  I guess the only option for knowing myself remains . . . knowing myself.  Introspection can be a real bummer.

[1]  It would still not be as steamy a pile of poo as the Wordsworth dialectic-not-a-dialectic paper I wrote for a grad school seminar.  I could have written something just as good or better aided by a chatbot.  I just used A.L.I.C.E. to come up with this dialogue, which was, in fact, the paper’s so-called thesis:  

judge: Is the Prelude a dialectic?
ALICE: If it is, then I’ll be very surprised.

[2] Laughing like that is unkind, you know.

[3] Being a ghost is on my (post) bucket list.

[4] 

[5] Feel free to speculate in the comments.

[6] In the interests of full disclosure, I did not finish the Harry Potter books; I didn’t like them very much.  Perhaps I just read them at the wrong time in my life.  I read an article or some sort of commentary once by a person who remarked she liked the setting very much but disliked the characters; I feel much the same way (I wish I had made a note of that piece, as I can’t locate it now).  I saw the first movie and didn’t like it, either– but I did see it a few days after seeing the first LOTR, which was pretty unfair.