Sunday evening. Close enough.
I don’t like the holidays. I get grumpy, fidgety, and depressed. Here are some highlights (lowlights?) from a late-December weekend.
At the coffee place, yesterday:
I had earbuds in, because of the Christmas music (holiday thesis statement: I hate Christmas). There was an unsupervised small person next to me, and he asked what I was listening to.
Me: Velvet Underground.
Him: Is that the name of the song?
Me: No, the song is called “Venus in Furs.”
Him: What’s it about?
And no, I don’t have children. And I’m not ever around them. So don’t call DSS.
I can tell it’s getting really close to the dreaded 25th because my anxiety is through the roof (more than usual). I had a substantial freakout yesterday that resulted in frantic texting, mostly to assure me that I had not ruined my life forever and always. Apologies again to the person on the receiving end of that one.
It’s not all my typical anxiety, which tends to come from overanalyzing everything. And everything else.
Both bulbs in my bedroom burned out, which I put off dealing with as long as possible: I decided to fix it, finally, when I was squinting in the semi-darkness this morning, trying to determine if I was holding the navy tights with stars or the black ones. For future reference, the navy ones have the small stars, and the black ones have larger stars. And I changed my mind and didn’t wear either pair, in the end.
That was just trying to get out of the house.
So I wisely waited until after nightfall to change the bulbs, because darkness is the ideal way to attempt that. I dragged a kitchen chair into the bedroom and finally got the fixture down. When I got the box of bulbs, there was only one of the correct wattage. I have a box of four bulbs of a different wattage, but having non-identical lightbulbs hovering over my head would effectively blow my mind. So I changed one bulb.
See also: previous post about the so-called Minute Rice, which I ended up giving away.
When washing dishes, wash dishes.
Or, alternatively, brood! This is where “Sunday Morning” comes in. I was thinking through the lyrics and trying to decide if that or “Heroin” is the most depressing song on that album. I unfairly created a tie by designating the latter the most overtly depressing and the former the most subtly depressing.
I tried to pep myself up with John Prine, but I gave up midway through “Sam Stone.” In retrospect, probably not the best pick, either.
This picture, taken while visiting my parents, sums up how I feel: